Sunday, January 1, 2012

Behind the Photos

I decided to start my New Year off doing something I had been wanting to do for quite some time, just never got around to it.

I decided to scan some old pictures, and post them on my facebook timeline.

I also decided to take the time to start telling bits of my story.

I met my first husband when my mom and I moved from our little Gapland, MD home in the spring of 1992 to a little efficiency apartment on John Street where he lived in front with his sister, her boyfriend and two sons.

I was going to classes to get my GED, and recieved my diploma in June 1992.

We began "dating" on July 5, 1992 after he came home from a 4th of July party his sister through at the house they moved to. At that time, we had moved from the efficiency to his old place.

I moved in with him not long after we started "going together", as it was called in the early 90's. We lived there maybe a few months, long enough for the red flags to pop up and me be too dumb to see them. Like the night he was laying on the couch and pretended (I guess) to turn into a demon and made me make promises to him, and honestly can't remember what it was, but I remember being freaked out. I should have left right then and there, but thought it was normal. After all, I had been in churches and saw preachers rebuke demons, for gosh sakes.

He once asked me what I'd do if he was at work and I wanted sex...I told him I'd wait until he got home. I thought that was a fair enough answer, but, obviously he didn't. I don't know how long it took me to convince him I wouldn't screw around on him....I should have told him to buy me a vibrator and he wouldn't have any worries, lol.

So, after that, we ended up moving back in with mom because he lost his job. Blamed having to stay home and take care of me although thinking now he just didn't want to go to work. I got pregnant the first time shortly after, and miscarried (even though the hospital ER doc swore I wasn't), not long after that, in early fall, I got pregnant with Stephanie. Will be one of my most memorable pregnancies...

We got into a fight one night, I think it was him accusing me of getting pregnant by my stepdad...we fought and he ran out of the house and up the stree, and once again, like a stupid fool, I followed, begging for him to come back because of the baby. I cried and cried, it was raining and I followed him up john Street to Winchester Avenue past Firestone and the Paint store and the automotive parts store, just bawling my eyes out. We got to his cousins house where of course, there was a party going full blast.

On arriving, his one sister snatched me up (in the gentle way, she knew I was pregnant) and was telling me how she couldn't go with out smoking weed while she was pregnant...it got her through the pregnancy. So, he goes off doing whatever and they are partying and including us in conversation and our previous fight kinda died right there. I remember getting back home the next morning and mom being worried out of her mind, after all, there were no cell phones back in 1992, at least not that we had.

So, before I go on, here are some early pictures with a brief story behind..



This picture to my left was taken during our stay at Rob's mom's house. I think I had already had Stephanie in this picture because the tag on moms car reads 1994. This is one of the few pictures taken of me during that time. No, I wasn't camera shy, there just weren't many happy moments to capture.




This next piture below to your left is the only clear picture of Stephanie that I have, and, unfortunately, includes Rob (sorry). If you notice there are 2 couches in the background; the one Rob is holding Stephanie posing her for the picture, and one to the left..that was my "bed" (couch). Yes, his mom obviously knew we slept together (hense, Stephanie), but we still had to sleep separate because we were not married. Hmm. A LOT happened during our stay in that room, not that I want to go there.

This room was our haven during my last couple of months after my mom and her boyfriend had their fight at the house on Burke Street hill. That was a place to remember. We lived there when Bill Clinton was inauguerated into office during the beginning of 1993...yeah I know that because I remember watching it. That is when I watched Rush Limbaugh...but not much else other than maybe soaps.
I watched a lot of TV at his moms house. She always had The Price is Right on or The Three Stooges. I watched them a lot. Now I hate watching TPIR, and the Stooges arent even in syndication anymore unless its a channel we dont watch.

I remember Mother's Day in 1993 because his sister and cousin and a few other of their friends were going swimming down at Blue Hole (a creek on the outskirts of town somewhere). I was about 6 months pregnant and his sister (bless her heart, I know she meant well), gave me a 2 piece bikini outfit to wear in the water. Can you image me with a belly wearing that? I did and I stretched that bad boy! No, no picture. Sorry. I wish I had the picture of me while I was pregnant with Stephie...I was standing at my usual seat at the kitchen table and whoever took the picture got a GOOD profile of my bod. I remember wearing this purple short sleeve polo..wish I still had that shirt....anyways.

I wear the swimsuit and we go, I get in the water and am having fun, but keeping an eye on him because I was afraid he was sneaking and smoking...silly me. So, we get back and getting unloaded and he realizes he lost his cigarettes...so he argues with me telling me I lost them...a family friend actually had to step in and back him away from me because he was getting out of hand. she ended up going in and telling his sister who was inside her apartment, and she told him he had to find someplace else to spend the night. I was welcome, but he wasn't. So his bff took him back to his moms for the night.

I did not want to stay there with him not there...you know, just couldn't function without him...(shaking my head) I remembered the Mother's Day card we bought his mom and decided to take it to him for her...yeah, I walked late at night, clear across town from Addition Street which is one street in front of the old Martins, clear on the other side of town...maybe 10 blocks, I don't know. No, I didn't care that someone might snatch me, or was I afraid of the boogieman...no. I had walked those streets enough to know what I was doing, and that is what I did.

I got there, he let me in, I gave him the card and he asked his moms boyfriend if i could stay the night instead of treaking 10 blocks back and he said yes. That is how we ended up 'living' there.



Saturday, March 12, 2011

What Do You Do?

I feel as if I am at my wits end.  Just when I think I am making some progress, something happens and just blows everything sky high.

I have been feeling overly stressed because I don't feel I am doing well in school. I haven't yet been able to come up with a routine to get school work and housework done, and have any time to relax. So frustrated, I'm so ready to pull my hair out.

I stress over the details like how to organize my school work and keep notes and I can't make up my mind about anything.

Shawn told me the other day when we decided to go pay off my curio cabinet at Schewels that he didn't understand why I didn't want to go anywhere or do anything.  He's been wanting to go to Furnish 123 to pick out a new kitchen table and chair set, but I keep putting it off.

He doesn't understand that doing these things takes time and time I don't really have.  Doing 1 homework assignment for Algebra seems to take me 3 hours because it's so confusing, and that doesn't leave time for any of my other assignments, or my business for that matter. 

Then, there is housework.  There's dinner.  Don't forget we need a social life...where does it all fit in, especially when you work at night when everyone else is sleeping and YOU sleep when everyone else is awake?

We have talked about dropping down to 4 days a week, so we have that extra day.  It would work, but we have to have things assigned to certain days so that we get stuff done or it will just be another day off. 

So right now, I'm sitting here trying to get the laundry caught up, Hannah made tomato soup for dinner, and I'm saying everything else will just have to wait.  I have to finish up the dishes but sometimes you just have to pick and chose.  My goal is to have the dishes done, and the laundry in progress. 

I know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, I just wish it was closer...

Saturday, February 12, 2011

My two girls

Mobile Blogging...

I'm trying my hand at blogging from my phone, instead of having to rely on making time to blog on my pc.  Since starting school, my time on my pc is pretty much homework, and household paperwork, so when I want to post a message, I can now post anywhere, anytime, as long as I have my phone.

Feel free to start your own blog @ http://www.blogspot.com/, and leave me a message here and we can link up!

Friday, August 6, 2010

Playing Catchup...Working on New Routines for Fall

Wow, summer is almost over and in a way it seems like it just flew by!

So much has happened in the past few weeks and I'm slowly starting to slow down and just enjoy my time and my life and not wish away my days.  It's amazing how being in certain situations make you just sit back and realize how enjoyable they can be.

I started the summer waiting for my 10 day vacation from work in early July, because I was looking forward to the possibility of a new career. One where I thought I could slow down and catch my breath.  Well, God had other plans, and I'm glad he did!  Right after I contacted the company I was interviewing to work for, the school I was planning on attending, at some point, called to check on my admission!!  It was God, that is all there is to it. The door closed on the employment opportunity, but he opened the door for me to go back to school, how awesome is that?!!

So, that has kept me going, getting my kids ready for going back to school is keeping me going, work is, well, still there, but I am learning to leave it in God's hands. I'm excited that I'm going back to school and I will be able to focus more on whats important and hope to keep distractions at bay, lol.

Work on my book is slow, but I plan on making time for that in between school work and family time.  After today, I really need to get it done and am feeling really strong urges.  Today my oldest daughter Stephanie turned 17 years old and I guess I thought about it all for too long and it had me beside myself. I'm not allowing myself to feel or deal with the hurt and it is causing me to be an emotional wreck. I know I need to get it out and deal with my feelings but I have to also focus on whats right for my youngest two and whats fair to my hubby. So I keep myself distracted by housework, and anything that keeps me from thinking.

This fall, I hope for things to be different, and I plan on prioritizing my time and doing what counts. I have realized that you only live once and when you have lived with what I have lived with, and all the loss, you learn to enjoy what you get and not let go.

I'd like to do a lot of things but I want to do what is most meaningful and what will do the most good.

So while I am still working on what I'm doing, I will keep you posted.  I will try to log again before I start school this fall.

Blessings!
Charity

Saturday, May 29, 2010

This is going to be a short post, but, I wanted to show my presence, since I haven't blogged in months, how sad huh?

A lot has been going on. I am thinking about a lot of things, like, I am slowly working on my book (I am having constant writers block), taking care of the house, and balance wanting to get reaquainted with my father's side of the family. Up until now, it was an 'ok, I will do this...someday.' What is 'someday'? I don't know but I don't want to find out either.

My uncle, my father's younger brother, passed away. I have mixed feelings about the whole thing because I have relatives that I don't know about and I honestly guess I could just go about my life and if I get in touch with people, fine. Or...I could do something different for a change and get in touch with those relatives that I have and don't know about. Staying to myself would be easier. I could just not do anything and nothing would change. Or I could call my aunt and try and catch up with her and get myself one step closer to going to visit her. I might learn some more about my family, we will see.

Well, I think I have to seperate our feline children...until later...

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Making Some Changes...slowly...

I hope you have noticed some of the changes I have made to my blog. I know it has been a while since I posted, but things have been busy around here in the household, and with me. I had been meaning to post several times, and have had A LOT of opportunities, but I guess I was just too lazy, lol. Well, in the midst of all that, I had been thinking about giving my blog a makeover and update the look. I honestly thought the old layout was too dark, and somewhat hard to read. So, after trying out several layouts, I decided to stick with this one.

You might also noticed, I updated the 'description', because it better and, more acurately describes this blog. I have searched all over the net to find other mom blogs that are 'real', which is what I am after, just to get a feel of what I might like for this one. My purpose for this blog, especially for those who know the family personally, is for you to be able to experience our life with us...for real. When you read my blog, I want you to feel almost like you are right there. That is why I said that we are real. No pictures of decorative couches, or fancy walls, or anything like that. I want to share the real stuff.

I also added the mobile blogger, so that I don't have to be at my computer (Shawn's going to laugh at this one if he reads this...) all the time. I spend more time here than I should, but I want to record all the good stuff to share with everyone. This will not only get me away from the computer more (ha,ha!) BUT, I will be able to enjoy the experience more myself.

Anywhoo... on to updating life around the house...

...we are still dealing with the snow. Thankfully, we can go to work now, but there is still the little issue of school. The last I heard Berkeley County is on a 2 hour delay...I love my kids, but, I think they are ready to go back to school. The endless fighting tells me they have been away TOO long!

Anyhow, I have to go so that I can get more coffee, and decide what I am going to do to keep myself awake until 8:00 tonight (when the kids go to bed)...I kinda fell asleep earlier on the couch for about an hour, but I'm going to still need something to keep the eyes open (which is why I read blogs a lot, so unlike reading books)...

Bye for now!